is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
there is glitter all over my balls
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
