Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
