it was like his penis was on wheels.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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