Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
