who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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