I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
