She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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