When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You ruined the universe
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
