im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
