Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
