If that was your dad, he is hot
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
