i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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