I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
