that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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