Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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