she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
