i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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