Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
