That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
