Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
