oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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