My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
