So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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