I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
