threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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