Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh god it's open bar.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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