so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
