i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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