Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
