The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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