we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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