The maid of honor just puked.
its not stalking. its research.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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