their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Welp...herpes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
