I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
