k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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