I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
