Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
