there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
