I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
