dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My balls are so social today.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
