I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
