Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
