miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
