Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We were destined to go to rehab together
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
