forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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