Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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