I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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