he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
