one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm at about main and main street
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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