I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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