If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
pray to the hookup gods
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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