I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
