I smell stomach acid.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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