I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
